I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
