At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
