I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
