is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
