If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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