we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
