Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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