I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
