I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
