I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
