Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
