guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
