You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
