she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
