wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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