I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
