This is not my ceiling
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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