So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
