don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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