Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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