You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
