you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
