Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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