i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
