something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
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I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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