my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
