Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
