Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
