and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
