Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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