Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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