i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
