i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
