someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
