Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
