nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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