I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think my nap took me to another dimension
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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