He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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