Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The beer is more important than you right now.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
