Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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