just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
