No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
