dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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