Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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