Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
