Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
