I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
