I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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