Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
