Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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