i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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