Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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