New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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