totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
