good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
