do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
