It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
