i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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