Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
