so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
false alarm. still invincible.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
