I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
