My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
