i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
