I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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