I got chris browned last night
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
