yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
